In The Secret Life of Captain X: My Life with a Psychopath Pilot, MrsXNomore tells her compe
lling story to share with readers psychopath awareness.
I am no longer Mrs. X, wife of Captain X, but rather MrsXNomore
If you walked past him at the airport dressed in his dashing, dark, militaristic pilot’s uniform, both jacket sleeves adorned with four stripes indicating his rank, you would never suspect that Captain X was a socialized psychopath, a predator, a man without a conscience.
Never in my life would I have thought that 22 years later my marriage would crash and burn, like a deadly aviation disaster, into a heap of massive deception. Captain X was left unscathed and at the controls of another woman’s life to repeat his pattern of psychopathic destruction, all while he alienated me from family, friends and, most painfully, our daughter.
As a result, I lived for decades in a marriage filled with incredible confusion and abuse, eventually becoming a victim of parental alienation.
It took me three years to fully understand my life with Captain X. I am no longer Mrs. X, wife of Captain X, but rather MrsXNomore and this is my story.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt once and again
Captain X always had a plausible excuse for not wanting me to get involved in family finances.
“Honey, can we go over the finances?” I would ask.
“Now’s not the time,” he’d answer. “I’m just too tired from flying. Besides, I’ve got a lot of stuff to do around the house. Anyway you know that it’s all here,” he’d say, pointing to his file cabinets and computer. “We’ll go over it. I give you my word.” Then he’d skillfully change the subject.
Captain X sabotaged every idea I came up with to make a life independent from him.
“I’ve got a great idea. What do you think of me starting up an antique tour business taking small travel groups to European flea markets?” I said excitedly. I never anticipated his response.
“Don’t be silly. You can’t do that. You wouldn’t even know how to do that,” he said with a smirk. I didn’t know how to react to his sarcastic, cynical answer. He shut me down, making me feel as if I had no talent or intelligence. Maybe he’s right. I stopped questioning him. My self-confidence and self-esteem were slowly being eroded.
A psychopath’s personality
Most researchers agree that a psychopath’s bond progresses through three predictable stages: idealize, devalue and discard. These three stages are believed to be natural to a psychopath’s personality.
When I first met Captain X, I was vulnerable, needy, lonely and looking for love. I was a psychopath’s perfect victim and easy prey. I projected what I wanted in life—love and a family—and he mirrored back these expectations as his own. This was the start of his idealize stage, sometimes called the honeymoon stage. It was then that Captain X love bombed me. Love bombing is a deliberate show of affection in order to influence someone. Each day blurred happily into the next with his constant attention, making me feel like the most important person in the world. I was living in some romantic fairytale—or was I spellbound? He was insightful, delightful, enthusiastic, and fun to be with. He had a secure job in a wonderful profession.
When I questioned him about why he had no friends, or more importantly, why money was tight, Captain X, a true psychopath, began the devalue part of the psychopathic bond. He started telling friends and family behind my back that I was bipolar (a mental illness difficult to prove or disprove to casual acquaintances and a tactic often used by psychopaths) sending me to a therapist to reinforce his story. With all his crazy-making he almost convinced me I was mentally ill.
After my 60th birthday, when I finally found the necessary strength and demanded to see the family finances, psychopath Captain X started the discard phase of the psychopath emotional bond. As is true in the majority of romantic relationships with a psychopath, he had already found a new victim, a new target, and wanted me out of his life. I was no longer useful to him. He knew I was on to him, that I no longer trusted him. I was extremely fortunate to have uncovered Captain X’s secret life with prostitutes throughout our marriage. If I had gone through the discard period without uncovering the scale of his deception, I might never have understood who he really is, a psychopath.