Psychology recognizes three basic types of functioning:
- Intellectual, means one whose authentic urge is to know.
- Emotive, to feel. Something becomes meaningful to them only when one feels it.
- Active, a creative type. He cannot remain with knowing or feeling, he has to create.
Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
-When Harry Met Sally…, 1989
Harry Burns doesn’t fall in love with Sally Albright at first sight. They have known each other for years and they keep on meeting until they realize they like one another, and they become friends. How Harry Burns declares his love to her is a proof that he is a knowing type of person. He is in love with her complexity (or as Harry says ‘High maintenance’ type of woman.)
The intellectual must know, be acquainted. It will be a long process.
This type of person will always miss many opportunities, because a moment’s decision is needed and this type cannot decide in the moment.
Theresa: It came to me. You have to trust me. Garret: Trust you? Theresa: I just had to meet the person that wrote it. I had to meet you. Garret: Why? Were you curious? It’s goddam research. Theresa: No, I’m falling in love with you! First in the letters and then when I met you! And I’m sorry ! I was afraid! -Message In A Bottle, 1999.
Theresa spends the night with Garret and he finds the letters he has written to his wife. When he asks her to explain that, she speaks her truth. She fell in love with the man who had written those letters. She belongs to emotion. She begins feeling first and then gathers all the reasons to go and find him.
The feeling type decides first, then reasoning follows. She sees you and she decides in her heart. The decision is a feeling decision.
Arielle: Will we meet again? Brian Bloom: I would like it very much if that would happen. Arielle: Well, I’m here every Friday at the close of lunch in my exile. You would simple have to be here as well. Brian Bloom: I will be then. Arielle: Good. Until next Friday, then. Brian Bloom: Until next Friday. -5 to 7, 2014
Arielle is a married woman who has an agreement with her husband. They can have an affair from 5 to 7. When writer Brian Bloom sees her, he cannot resist crossing the street. After a small talk, she decides in the moment to act. She asks him if they will meet again.
With the active type, action is first. She decides in the moment to act, then she begins to feel, and create the reasons.
And Arielle’s reasons are, as she says: “Maybe there are some people you marry and people you love.”